Feeling lonely and unsupported can hurt your health.  Studies have shown those who live in isolation are at greater risk of having their life spans shortened significantly.

This is even worse if you are already dealing with a long-term medical condition. Chronic illness and isolation are often a vicious cycle. Pain, fatigue, or weakness will regularly prevent you from leaving your home. Consequently, your social life and relationships with others can suffer, leading to feelings of depression. This in turn can lead you to become more apathetic and sedentary, which will have further adverse effects on your physical health.

Perhaps you can relate to much of this already. How many times have you had to back out of social arrangements or perhaps leave a get together prematurely because your energy levels would not allow it?  Ideally, you should be surrounded by people who can help you to manage physically, while at the same time can bolster you emotionally.

5 Ways to Find Support Through Chronic Illness

While mustering up the strength and courage to rally people around you may seem like a tall order, there are some simple steps you can take, which will help you get through the day to day, while maintaining a sense of optimism. Based on our work, research, and personal experience, we recommend the following:

1. Identify Sources of Support

This may include close friends and family members. Not everyone will be so fortunate to have this readily available. Even if you do come from a large family or have a robust social life, there is no guarantee that they will have the personality traits you need to support you. Ideally, you should be looking for those who are good listeners, empathetic and patient.

2. Avoid Toxic People

This is the opposite of the type of person described above. Toxic people are the ones who will judge or criticize you. They are not good listeners. They make everything about themselves. They complain a lot and let their negativity spread to those around them. They are likely to have an adverse effect on your physical and emotional wellbeing.

3. Find a Caretaker

This may be easier said than done. Out of a shortlist of supportive people available, identify which one of them is most likely to be an effective advocate for you. This means someone who will communicate with your family members and friends so that you don’t have to spend time and energy getting them all to understand what you are going through. A caretaker may also accompany you on doctor’s visits to help get the answers to questions you need. They can take on simple chores for you. This could be a parent, child, spouse, or partner. If not, perhaps a close friend or relative would be willing to perform this role. Maybe they would be willing to move in with you temporarily.

4. Set Expectations 

Start by identifying what you can and can’t do. Are there any activities that you feel are beyond your energy or strength levels? What chores do you need to delegate or get help performing to make your life easier? What type of help can your carer and members of your inner circle provide? What are their needs? What are they capable of?  By being transparent about expectations with each other, you will be in a stronger position to delegate tasks and not feel resentful if your needs are not always met.

5 . Be Forgiving

Even with all the careful planning and communication, others can occasionally let you down in your time of need. Although you may be the one who is in a vulnerable position, your sources of support are also fallible. Keep in mind that looking after someone else is rarely easy. Understand that they will have their own needs and responsibilities. Mistakes will still be made. Try to understand what they may also be going through. They are probably well-intentioned. Forgive them because they are still there for you.

5 Ways to Support Yourself Through Chronic Illness

The unfortunate truth is that not everyone has a group of close friends or family members who can accompany them on doctor visits, pick up the groceries or provide an empathetic ear. Some people must handle chronic illness alone. This is especially true for older people, who have lost spouses, family members and friends over the years. It is also the case for those who may have escaped more dysfunctional families or who are less confident socially.

If you are one of these people, finding support will be a greater challenge. However, it is not insurmountable. There are small steps you can take to help you get through your day today, as well as fill in the void of emotional support, which you may not be receiving from external sources. We recommend considering the following options:

1. Assess Your Needs and Limitations

Your priority will be to first establish the kind of support you need. What are the current demands on your life? What type of chores do you need to manage your day to day Compare that to what your strength and energy levels will allow you to do. Be realistic about your emotional state and how the illness makes you feel. Awareness of these factors will enable you to determine what you can manage or where you need to turn to move forward.

2. Prioritise, Minimise, Abbreviate and Modify

These are basic self-management strategies that will help you cope with daily tasks while working within your strength and energy limits.

Prioritizing involves you determining which tasks are most urgent and important.

Minimizing means eliminating tasks or arrangements which are not imperative.

Abbreviating is taking less time to perform an activity. Examples include having your groceries delivered or living off ready prepared meals, instead of shopping or cooking.

Modifying means performing a task more comfortably. For example, riding through the supermarket on an electronic cart or cooking meals while sitting down.

3. Find Alternative Sources of Emotional Support

This may include the following, reaching out to old friends, becoming more active on social media, joining a support group that specializes in helping people with your condition or finding an accountability partner. The latter option would ideally involve someone who has the same condition as you.

4. Exercise

Physical strength and energy are vital for you to manage your daily activities, as even modified, they often involve some form of movement or lifting. Exercising helps to improve overall health and build greater resiliency. The type of exercise you choose will depend upon what you enjoy and are physically capable of. Walking, yoga, swimming, and strength training are the most popular options. Even if your physical condition is limited, brief amounts of exercising, performed at a moderate intensity level will still benefit you.

5. Income

Not having other people to support you, sometimes means being more financially vulnerable during chronic illness, as you don’t have the benefit of a partner, spouse or family member covering your costs.

If you can hold onto your job, then this is less of an issue. However, if you are unable to work then other sources of income may still be available. Depending on the country you live in, this can include disability benefits or monthly insurance payouts. It is worth investigating this through government agencies or insurance providers.

If such options are unavailable to you, then finding a work from home opportunity is another option. Even if you don’t have the energy to work for long stretches of the day, some companies offer flexible hours to their workers.

7 Ways to Support Someone with Chronic Illness

As many challenges as there are for those dealing with chronic illness, it can also take an emotional toll on the people closest to them. The uncertainty of what is going to become of a loved one can be a major source of anxiety. Watching them physically deteriorate in front of your eyes can be a tough pill to swallow.

If you are caring for someone with an ongoing medical condition, you are likely to experience at least a moderate level of stress. Duties may include shopping, giving baths, cooking, cleaning, talking to doctors and driving them from A to B. In some ways, it may be tougher for you than it is for them. While they are experiencing the pain and discomfort, it is you who handles the responsibilities.

Who do you rely on, while they are relying on you? To who do you express your feelings? Many carers have their own lives to manage in conjunction with that of the person who they are looking after. You may still have to work or children to look after. This can create an unenviable amount of pressure.

We have both had a lot of experience in playing these roles. As challenging as it can be, there are steps you can take to you to be there effectively for the person you are caring for, but also look after your emotional wellbeing:

1. Assess What You Can Offer

 This means assessing your emotional capabilities in handling the pressures of caring for someone else. Are you able to listen empathetically? Do you have the patience, energy or time which will be required?

2. Identify Your Other Responsibilities

Maybe you have children to look after, studies to take care of or a business to run. Think, about what could get in the way. How would you plan to work around these factors?

3. Factor in What You Will Be Giving Up.

Think about activities that you may have to sacrifice by assuming the role of a caregiver. This may include hobbies, social activities, or other meaningful pursuits. How could that make you feel? Would you be able to live with that or is there a strong chance you end up feeling resentful?

4. Set Expectations

Once you have established your thoughts, feelings, and capabilities, it’s time to be transparent with the person you are caring for. Do your best to have them articulate what they need from you and see how what you can offer matches it. This will enable you to manage their expectations of you and realistically plan if you need additional help.  

5. Prioritise, Minimise and Abbreviate

You now have another person’s life to manage as well as your own. You will have your hands full, so time management is imperative. Prioritizing will involve focusing only on what is important and urgent. Minimizing involves you putting off or cancelling anything which is not important. Abbreviating involves any activities you can get away with shortening. This does not mean taking shortcuts. It’s simply learning to be economical with your time. 

6. Ask for Help

It is ok to ask for help. Remaining strong for someone else doesn’t mean that you are not feeling vulnerable yourself. A great tool will be placed on your emotional and energy levels. Make sure you replenish them, otherwise it will compromise your abilities as a caretaker. Research the resources and support which are available to you. Are there people who will listen to you unconditionally?

7. Self-Care

Find time for yourself. Even if only for an hour or two each day, this will help you to replenish your energy. This could include alone time, rest, nature walks, reading, exercising, going to the movies, or meeting up with other friends.

We invite you to share your feedback with us. Have you tried any of these before? Have you tried anything different? What has worked for you? What has not worked?

Is there anything else you would like for us to cover?

Please like and share this page

Our website is www.illnesscoaching.com

Find our page on Facebook under MPower Illness Coaching, where you can join our community. You will see have a recorded video version of this blog on our YouTube Channel. MPower Illness Coaching

As always, if you are experiencing any severe medical or psychological symptoms, we always recommend you speak directly to a qualified professional.

Thank you for checking in with us and we’ll see you again soon.