5 Ways to Avoid Feeling Left Behind 

Does it feel like chronic illness is holding you back from being where you think you should be in life? Perhaps you feel as if aren’t accomplishing as much as your peers?  Even at the best of times, many of us have this fear of falling behind. However, chronic illness is a major disruptor.  It can impede every area in your life, including education, career, finances, hobbies or travel.

What makes it tougher is when everyone you know seems to be where you think you should be, living the life you wish to live and accomplishing the things you thought you would achieve. This can lead you to feel anxious, depressed, stressed or angry.

Even worse, is that you may feel restricted in what you can do about it. If you were in perfect health, maybe you could finish your studies, land that better-paid job or gets into better physical shape. However, with chronic illness, you may only have a few hours a day where you are functional at all. How can you possibly keep up with the others?

Let’s focus on some ways that you can get out of comparison mode, reframe the situation, and start acting on what you are still able to control.

1. Identify Emotions

For you to improve the way you feel, you must get real with the emotions you are experiencing.  Too many of us try to repress or deny our true feelings. What does this resolve? Is it anger, sadness, depression, or anxiety? Whatever it is, sit and embrace it. Allow yourself to experience it. However, ask yourself also how you would like to be feeling?

2. Establish Which Thoughts Are Triggering These Emotions

Contrary to popular belief, all situations are neutral. Events don’t create emotions. Our thoughts about these events cause the feelings that we experience. Perhaps you are thinking that you have not accomplished anything in life, that chronic illness makes you incapable or that others have much more fulfilled lives than you. If it’s one of these thoughts or anything similar, how is thinking this way affecting your emotional state?

3. Dispute These Thoughts

Chronic illness is a tough challenge, but is it as catastrophic as it may seem to you, ask yourself whether the entire situation is either black or white? Perhaps there is some middle ground you can identify. Maybe there is another perspective to consider. What would you say to a friend if they were in your situation? Consider small accomplishments you may have achieved or capabilities you still possess. Has the illness experience helped you acquire new skills or strengths along the way?

4. Question Where These Thoughts Originate From

Think about whether the expectations you have about your life are based upon an intrinsic need or if they originate from an external source. To what extent are they based upon social expectations? How congruent are they to the person you are deep down? Keep in mind that there are 7.6 billion people on this planet. Most of them will not be advancing in the same way at the same pace. Social expectations are only formulated within the context of a time and culture.

5. Focus on What You Are Still Able to Control

Consider ways you can remain proactive. How can you modify or abbreviate essential activities? Maybe you can pursue your education online or generate income by working part-time from home. Think about manageable ways you can still travel. while making it more comfortable. Look into the modified variations of the exercise routines which you once enjoyed.  

Remember that there may still be ways for you to grow, even when it feels like you are shrinking. One or two big losses can be negated by a daily succession of small wins. Setting yourself goals that are SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-sensitive can help you achieve a greater sense of purpose and fulfilment.

5 Ways to Prevent Your Kids From Missing Out

If you are raising young children while also dealing with chronic illness, it can feel like you have your work cut out for you.  Trying to manage your physical condition as you maintain other responsibilities can take an enormous amount of energy and time management. 

Not only do you have to get yourself from A to B on the limited amount of hours you are functional, but you also have to make sure that your kids are eating, staying active, doing their schoolwork, and getting to where they need to be and remaining mentally stimulated.

This has been an issue for us in the past as well. When the energy is not there, the kids end up being stuck inside the house, relying heavily on electronic gadgets for entertainment.  Maybe this sounds familiar.

Even if you have a partner, they may work a lot and you still struggle alone to keep the kids entertained.  This can lead to all sorts of concerns and negative self-doubt. Common thoughts can include “My kids are depressed”, “They are not physically active or social enough”, “I am letting them down” or even “’ I feel like a disappointment to my kids.”

To make matters worse, you may be comparing yourself to other parents. It may seem that some of them have acted way together, ferrying their kids out and about to activities or being more interactive with them.

All these thoughts accomplish are further feelings of anxiety or depression. Let’s examine some ways for you to flip the script, take some simple measures to regain control and break the negative cycle:

1. Reframe the Situation

This simply means realising that the situation is not a total crisis and there may be positive aspects to it.  For example, focus on the positive things you still do for your kids. Are they as disappointed in you as you believe or is it possible that they appreciate some of what you do for them?  Also, establish how vital the activities they are missing out on really are.  Perhaps there are ways you manage their activity schedule to incorporate a few key pursuits.  Identifying the middle ground will prevent you from catastrophically seeing things and empower you to make more clear-minded decisions.

2. Open the Lines of Communication

This may involve establishing an open dialogue with your kids. Don’t underestimate their capacity to understand, just because they are young. Be transparent in your communication with them. Let them know what you experiencing, at the same time as actively listening to them in terms of what they are going through. Living with someone with chronic illness can take the spotlight off their needs, so make it about them.  Encourage them to be open about their feelings.  Collaborate and help them meet their needs. Taking this approach will empower you to establish empathy and build respect.

3. Consider What Resources You Have Available.   

This may include assessing your time and energy limits. Maybe there are other parents you can reach out to arrange social activities for your kids. Perhaps you have friends or relatives who can take your kids out when you need to rest. It may be worth looking into whether their school or the local community offer support services that you can access.

4. Share Enjoyments

Think about which activities you can do which don’t extend you beyond your energy limits. This may be joining in on video games with them, playing board games or enjoying the same television shows.  Activities outside the house, which are not too energy-draining, include going on nature walks or sitting with a coffee while your kids run around in a play area.

5. Abbreviate or Modify activities

Something is usually better than nothing. If there are activities that are beyond your physical capabilities, think about ways you can either creat

e a shorter or easier variation of it. This may include staying out for shorter periods or performing activities with them, which allow you to remain in a seated position.  

7 Strategies to Avoid Feeling Invisible

Do you ever feel invisible to others around you? Maybe you’ve been spoken over while in mid-conversation, had your opinions discounted or excluded from social events. Regardless of the form it takes, feeling like you just don’t count can be devastating to your confidence.

This is often the case for those who are going through a chronic illness. Quite often you won’t have the energy to make yourself heard.  Time spent indoors convalescing can mean that you fade from the relevance of those you thought were closest to you. Maybe illness has altered your physical appearance. Certain medications can cause weight gain, while time spent remaining sedentary can lead to muscle loss. If you look different, others may seem to see you differently, or worse yet, fail to see you at all.

All of this can lead to feelings of frustration, stress, anxiety, or anger. Overcoming feelings of invisibility to others can be an enormous challenge. If confidence deteriorates, then it increases the likelihood of others overlooking you even more. It then sets you on a downward spiral which is hard to reverse.

However, it is possible to vanquish feelings of invisibility, even despite chronic illness. Let’s now examine how you can regain your sense of being relevant. We recommend considering these seven strategies:

1. Examine the Evidence

Having thoughts like “I don’t matter to anyone.”  Or “I no longer count” is likely to lead you to a state of depression.  However, what you think and how things are often two different things. Even if it feels like you are invisible, try to identify any occasions which provide alternative evidence. Maybe there is one person at least, who still takes you seriously. If, so who are they and what does this tell you about yourself? Seeing things in less all or nothing terms will help you avoid feelings of despair.  

2. Externalize the Situation

Think about what advice you would give to a friend if they were having the same experience about feeling invisible. Would you think their fears are 100% accurate? What could they do to advocate for themselves? Taking this approach will help you to see things more objectively.

3. Create Boundaries

If there are not giving you the respect you deserve, train them to treat you how you wish to be treated. Try speaking up and telling them how you feel. If they take you seriously then they will respect your boundaries. If they still violate your boundaries, it may be time to distance yourself from them.

4. Recreate Your Narrative

This means regarding yourself as a person worthy of attention. Think about any life periods where you were treated as important.  Maybe school, college, work or meeting certain friends.  Perhaps these were times where you commanded respect, even briefly. How did you portray yourself? Think about your voice, your posture, the way you dressed and your overall mindset. Identify what has worked before and aim to replicate some of those qualities again.

5. Strength Identification

Becoming aware of the strengths, skills, and qualities you possess can help you to boost your self-confidence. Take time to think about which of these you have held onto or whether you have acquired anymore as a result of chronic illness. Perhaps you are more resilient or have better coping skills. If so, how can you use these to reclaim your place back in the outside world?

6. Consider the Context 

As with any story, the role you play will be influenced by the overall backdrop and cast of characters. Sometimes the circumstances you find yourself in are not a good fit to feel empowered. Think about the environment and individuals you would need to move towards the person you wish to be.  Maybe it won’t be easy to make these changes while working through a chronic illness. However, it is important to at least be aware of what you need.

7. Daily Nudges

Transitioning to new mindsets and behaviours will be tough, especially when you are dealing with fatigue and physical weakness. However, even if you can’t shift to the person you wish to be immediate, adopting various aspects of being that person for a few minutes each day, can gradually help you transition. It can be like trying on a new style of clothing briefly. Once again pay attention to the speech, posture, clothing and mindset. Each can make you feel more visible and confident. Practising a bolder version of yourself in a private space will help you to develop the confidence you eventually need to take into the outside world.