6 Options to Explore

What were your ideas about life that would play out before chronic illness? Maybe you made plans about the course you were going to study, the career path you would follow, the person you wanted to settle down with or the house you could buy. Alternatively, you might have had ideas about the retirement you would enjoy, the places you could travel to or the activities you could finally immerse yourself in. Then chronic illness hits and many of those plans were derailed.

Many of us are guided by our ideas of what life should be. The desired job, relationship, income level, home or physical shape are examples of attachments we are reluctant to let go of. 

Most of the time these expectations are heavily influenced by external sources, including parents, family, social circles, media, and cultural narratives. However chronic illness can be a great disruptor. The realization that we have been denied access to our idea of what life should be can leave many of us feeling like failures. Consequently, this can lead us to frustration or depression. 

Letting go of attachment is a necessary step to deal with these emotions. Let’s look at ten ways which can help you accomplish that.

Identify how much you need to give up on

You are more likely to suffer emotionally if you believe that you are unable to fulfil any of the plans you formulated for your future. However, knowing that you are still able to obtain some of those objectives will give you hope.

Adaptations

Consider any ways for you to modify or abbreviate the activities which would have helped you to move forward. For example, study may not need to be put on hold when there are online or part-time courses available to you. Career paths do not necessarily need to be derailed if opportunities to work from home on a flexible schedule are an option.

Best Possible Self

Visualize your life over the next five years, as if everything, from this point forward, were to go right for you. What would your life look like? What would you be doing? Where would you be? Who would you be surrounded by? This exercise is useful for moving on from the past and establishing goals for the future.

Establish Where Your Expectations Come From

As mentioned above, many of us formulate ideas of what our lives should look like at a certain age. Ask yourself to what extent these expectations are truly based upon what you desire or if they are based upon what your family wants, what your friends are doing or other cultural values?

Pay Attention to Your Authentic Side

If you realise that most of your expectations are based upon what the people around you say you should be doing, think about what you would find fulfilling. What would motivate you at an intrinsic level? What are your core values and what do they tell you? If money was not a priority, what would you be doing?

Remove Yourself from Those You’re Comparing Yourself To

Being surrounded by others who seem to be at a more enviable place in life, can do a number on your self-esteem. Consider how valuable their presence in your life is to you. To what extent do they contribute to you feeling bad about yourself? Let’s face it, you are not in the same race as they are. Dealing with chronic illness means that you have an entirely different set of priorities. However, it is easy to lose sight of this when presented with the highlight reel of those who seem more established.